Vice

Dear internet,

I wish I could pour out all of my demons into your boundless bytes of infinite wisdom and webbery, but I'm afraid that I cannot. You've been there for me through moments of tremendous excitement and deep back-stabby pains, and while I'd love to express gratitude for the gifts you've given me, instead I'm writing for another reason.

I'm breaking up with you.

This isn't one of those, "it isn't you, it's me" things. No, this is you.

This breakup is for the times you showed me the false lives of friends and families… the pretty side... the promise of strong connection has fallen short with the ever-invasive nature of what you've had for breakfast, how much your babies have grown, and who else is pregnant.

This is for the times you lured me with incessant ads and programs aimed at fixing what ails me, only to prey on my vulnerability as someone who wants - needs - to find the mystery cure somewhere in your deepest, darkest folds of 1s and 0s.

This is for the friends and loved ones who have fallen victim to your tangly, snarled rabbit hole that starts with something innocent and lands somewhere just shy of criminal. Or just beyond.

This is for the nights you've stolen with mindless watching, chatting, playing, and vicarious living.

I have 500 Facebook followers, 768 Facebook friends, seven websites and more passwords than can fit in my head any longer. And I'm either too old or too young for this.

I appreciate your boundless knowledge, your ability to connect me with obscure morsels of entertainment and trivia, and I'm here to say I've had enough.

I'm taking the next two months as a time-out from you and all your blessings. Because for me, each blessing comes with a shadowy underside that is too tempting to resist. In all other relationships I've maintained some semblance of boundaries… but here? I've let you into my home, my purse, my driving, my bedroom. And what do you give to me? The Kansas state bird. Medical "advice" that always ends up with me having cancer. 62 likes.

This time, I'm taking my life back. Maybe I'll start churning butter or wonder a bit more how long a construction project will take? I don't know what I'll do with my time. That's why I'm taking a time out.

My word in class tonight was honesty. And this is as honest as I get.

That's why, it's over.