Yesterday I was on the phone with my ex-husband. It's weird to call him my ex-husband, because most of the time when we talk, it's the same as it always was. At the same time, I was doodling some turtles, because that is what I doodle, and trying to decide what to possibly write about love for my friend's bridal shower scrapbook about "love" and "marriage" and "relationships."
I wanted to write: "Make a prenup. Do it now. While you're still friends."
Even though my ex and I are still friends.
People say that "advice" like this comes from fear. Disaster-preparadeness. And that if you follow this advice, you're essentially willing your marriage to fail. So don't prepare out of superstition or out of a willy-nilly love affair with love. Have faith in the idea that nothing will change, despite the knowledge that everything changes.
It ended up being a hard phone call. One that ended with some choice words I've never uttered in the 10 years we've known one another. Words that do not appear in the Four Agreements or the Yoga Sutras and may have unfairly devalued the pig. It ended in tears and despair, on the coattails of a day that had more ups than downs.
After staring at my doodle for awhile, I realized that it is how I feel about love."Love is four turtles, swimming in opposite directions."
Some marriages fail without ending. Others end without failing.